How To Deal With Unmet Expectations

Because this life has a full dose of them.

The face lit up at the promise of a weekend get away to have time together with her new found love.It would be a road trip to the plains where they were to spend the night in a warm tent besides the sparks of a bonfire.The journey was to commence at exactly 2 p.m on a warm Friday afternoon.

Anna was literally counting the minutes to the long awaited 2 p.m.Her love was to pick her up at her apartment.She rechecked her packed bags to confirm she had everything set, she couldn’t afford to let anything or anyone mess with her weekend..

Seconds turned into minutes and the minutes turned into hours and when the clock struck 2 p.m,her heart raced with every click of the seconds. She expected a knock on her door anytime and she couldn’t contain her anxiety.

The buzz of her phone startled her back to reality… ‘‘ Hello,My love am so sorry we have to reschedule our plans…I had forgotten I had a presentation to make at work…”the voice on the other side of the phone trailed off….she didn’t hear the rest of the story. She just slumped on her seat and buried her head on the pillow and cried her poor heart out..

I am sure we all can identify with Anna.

Unmet expectations.How do we deal with that?

Unmet expectations can lead to our biggest disappointments.The higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment.

We should expect good things to happen but just be open to the form in which they show up.

My axiom over the years has been:always expect the best but prepare for the worst..I beg to be disputed on that but that has kept the disappointment to a minimum.so when it happens, what is the best antidote?

See disappointment as an opportunity for growth.

It all boils down to your reaction to it,if you wallow in self pity then it won’t be of help to you.

Look at it as evidence of displaced affection.Sometimes you expect more from others because you would be willing to do much for them.But the harsh reality dawns sometimes too late.

Don’t lose sight of your differences.

When you learn to accept than to expect, you will have fewer disappointments. Let go of expectations and find something to be thankful for even when things do not turn out the way you hoped, and you will experience serenity rather than resentment.

“I do my thing and you do your thing.I am not in this world to live up to your expectations ,And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.

If not, it can’t be helped. — Fritz Perls, “Gestalt verbatim 1969”

Photo by Jérémie Crémer on Unsplash

That is my take as far as we are in this mortal bodies.But thanks be to God who never disappoints.. In fact, He turns the disappointments to divine appointments but only when we are keen to see and hear the still small voice.

Thanks for reading.

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This Has To Stop

Lydia NdutaFeb 13

No one will live my life but me.

You do not own all the problems in this life

Here I am in this roller coaster of life wondering when and how I will get out of this pit I dug up for myself.

How did I add this extra weight?

How and when did I get into this draining relationship(s)?

For how long am I going to withstand this self inflicted pain in my heart as a result of unmet expectations?

How much longer can I carry this load on my shoulders of other people’s opinions?

Those painful childhood memories that lingers in my head are too much for me,yet I am almost a grandma…

The dark secret in my closet that is threatening to burst open anytime…the lock can’t close up anymore…

Its like a convict walking in the streets and every time he hears the sound of a siren he ducks in fear.

That is not the life I want to live.

All these insecurities,fear of the unknown and struggles to keep up with others have to stop.The buck STOPS here,with ME.

Purpose to stop

No more passing of blame…oh…Its because of high doses of cortisol hormone thats why I am adding weight,oh… its because of I was born last that’s why I suffered the mistreatment of my siblings.Or..oh.. its because I was not born with this aggressive personality that’s why others are shoving me around..

No!!! I choose today to be in charge of my life and live it to the fullest and to the best way I can.

Leave the past

The past is where it belongs. PAST.

It does not define me and it does not in any way dictate the future.

I cannot turn back the hand of time and do things differently… I cannot change my birth and wish I was born first or any number but not the last, I cannot change the fact that I have this personality that is not my peers’ favourite..I cannot change my complexion or height or all these features the super models have..

So what if the closet falls open?Everybody has theirs too..

I have this awakening that what matters is the remaining part of my bright life. And I will make it shine and enjoy while at it.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.Coco Chanel

Shine

The sun,moon and the stars all shine..but at different times.The stars are not visible during the day as the sun won’t let them but wait until its pitch dark…oh the gaze is heavenly….

No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.I ain’t giving it away!!

I will shine my brightest…I won’t compete with the sun or the full moon but in my capacity as that star,I will shine…..why??Because I was created in God’s image and to Him I accredit my life.

Whoa!!!!what a relief!!!

I know many of us identifies with these.So, to those out there saying this has to stop…cheers and thumbs up as we shine!

Listen to that inner voice crying out for freedom.

Freedom from all those fears,past disappointments,insecurities and unmet expectations. It is not your entire fault that relationship didn’t work. Be easy on yourself and start again,before you is a clean slate to showcase the innate goodness in you.

Stop been too hard on yourself. There is a future to be lived and the sweet part is ; you alone have the keys to unlock it.

Lydia is a dynamic and bubbly lady in her early fourties….it’s said life starts at 40….I am living every ounce of it with love,laughter and life.Thanks for reading



I will Stick to my lane

There is this stretch that I prefer to walk to work most mornings.The pavement is not so crowded by then and the speed of the cars on the road is below 20kph.It sounds like the sea waves at the background.. Very breathtaking.

The pavements have a designed pattern of four squares across, and stretching all the way to the end.

There is the sound of the birds on the trees above.Most people are on the rush to get to work,others are leaving their night shifts(can tell from their heavy eyes and their wrapped up bodies).

It’s a very interesting sight to behold,some people are whistling as they walk,others have the earphones plugged in while others like me prefer to walk quietly and somehow get lost in the moment.

This particular Wednesday was not different from the other days.As usual I was walking quietly and the sound of the moving cars at the background made it like an ideal walk on the beach.

I decided to count my steps to the end of the stretch one by one..I was doing so well until this guy came from behind and overtook me.

It hadn’t crossed my mind that there we’re several people ahead of me that obviously had taken longer strides.But this particular guy startled my otherwise well organized thoughts and strides.I clenched my lips and hissed within me”how dare he overtake me?”

I doubled my strides with vengeance and aborted my mission to count my steps.Was on number fifteen.

I stepped out to the right and almost missed hitting a lady coming from the opposite direction. All for what?that guy has to be where he belonged at the first place..behind me!

Aha!the thrill I felt to have achieved that mission was inexplicable!but oops!it was short lived..damn!he overtook me again.

I was about to embark on my mission-“overtaking reloaded” when it struck me,what is wrong with me?Are we even going to the same place? Do I even know him?Does he even know I want him behind me?

I sheepishly slowed down and went back to my lane and started counting the steps from the beginning:one,two,three…on and on I went to a hundred just on time to clock at the gate.

I learnt a lesson that day,those moments I lack peace and joy is because I leave my lane and get to other people’s lanes.I bump onto others and cause confusion to myself and others.

Why can’t I get that job?car?house?that designer dress?where did I see it?with someone else.I should also have it too..mmh..the overtaking syndrome also known as the “Jones’s” Very deadly when driven by a selfish motive.

But if I work hard,and wait patiently, success will come as I walk and stick to my lane.

The birds sing sweet melodies,the breeze from the trees is mind blowing and the steps are two hundred..I counted from the start to the end!And have never seen that guy again!

DANCE IN THE RAIN

DANCE IN THE RAIN

Remember when we were kids how we would rush out every time it started raining?No fear of contracting flus and colds,no fear of drenched clothes and definately, No care in the world!

You see,there is something about that dance in the rain that made us do it again and again.No amount of scolding from mum would deter us from the joy to have those drops of rain flow on our tiny faces down  to the mouth.
The taste was awesome..and oh..the laughter, the gigglings and very heart pounding songs would erupt from our tiny lungs..
There is something therapeutic abt water.But sometimes we realize it when its a little too late.Life’s struggles has weighed us down that we often forget that childhood feeling of letting go of every care and live the moment.
We are all so grown now to dance in the rain like we used to,but we can ignite that feeling. How ?you may ask.
Take that dive in the swimming pool,or that zip line across a river..better still,try any ultimate challenge that involves water..
This life is too short to miss out on very thrilling adventures just because we are “old”.
Next time the clouds open up on you,whether you are walking on the streets or driving or in the house,just pause and get lost in the moment.
If possible let a few drops fall on you and I promise you that touch will be magical..mmmhh.Cherish that ecstatic moment.